Tragically, gender-based violence is considered a family matter in Afghan culture and not taken seriously in Afghanistan’s legal system. Women who speak up against their husbands may find themselves in prison if they have no male relatives who will take them in. Women’s rights in Afghanistan have dissolved into nothingness. So much so, that there are indications that men, particularly scholars and local tribal leaders, are resisting the new laws removing women from society and the Afghan economy that the de facto government has put into place.
When Afghan immigrant women who are victims of domestic violence arrive in the United States, they often have no idea that it is illegal here. Unable to speak English, and unaware of American laws, they suffer in silence. Once a victim comes to Women for Afghan Women (WAW), caseworkers and the legal team inform her that many resources are available, and will put her on a path to safety and independence.
But sometimes, WAW finds out about cases of abuse when a client comes to our offices seeking information for its other services.
One woman, who we’ll call Nilofar (not her real name), came to WAW’s New York Community Center (NYCC) to apply for asylum. She had fled the terrors of Afghanistan with her husband of nine years and her children. America offered a safe haven, a place to begin anew for her and her family. Seeking assistance with asylum paperwork led her to WAW. As she spoke about her situation, another story emerged.
Nilofar fled the horrors of life in Afghanistan, but not those in her marriage. Her husband, it turns out, was an abuser. The trauma she suffered in her native country continued unabated as she struggled to survive in a new, unfamiliar land, with no connections to family or friends.
She endured a constant barrage of verbal, psychological and physical abuse, including during a pregnancy. After an escape to a women’s shelter, her fragile mental state deteriorated during her stay there. With her and their kids out of the house, maybe, just maybe, her husband had calmed down, she thought. Perhaps he’d be kinder to them. She decided to return home, hoping for the best.
Instead, Nilofar found herself entrenched in perilous circumstances. Her husband ignored a restraining order numerous times, stalked her, and threatened both her and their two children. It was all too much for the girls, who became traumatized over this abusive relationship. Their father, instead of loving and kind, reduced their existence to an endless barrage of mental torment.
Life could not continue this way. Nilofar had to do something.
At WAW’s NYCC, caseworkers and legal staff immediately set about restructuring Nilofar’s life. Along with the help of our community partners, caseworkers sought out housing for her, set her up with social benefits, and enrolled her in a domestic violence program for survivors.
The path from abused wife to independent woman is a challenging one, but with determination, Nilofar found her way. In time, she found work, got her driver’s license and even purchased a car. While not everything is perfect in her life, she’s making good progress. Recently, at a celebration for Eid al-Fitr, she spoke freely to other women in attendance, delighted that she could express herself without fear. Even her daughters have learned to be advocates for themselves and spoke out about their previous circumstances. Now this family has made important bonds with other Afghan women in the community and realize they will never be alone and afraid again.
If you know of someone who is a victim of gender-based violence, do not hesitate to reach out to WAW. All of our services are free, and our caseworkers and legal team will inform victims of their rights, work out a safety plan, and more. We will be by the survivor’s side as long as necessary.
Blog written by Gretchen Weerheim, Women for Afghan Women
Photo provided by WAW staff
